J jordan | T tyler

J"so what's going on?"
T"nuthin..."
J"oh, come on. you've always been able to talk to 'baby sister'..."
T"mmh. i'm done."

he's gone. i've lost tyler.
he hasnt yelled at me.
he hasnt told me not to ever talk to him again
he hasnt bitched me out.
but he didnt have to.
that was enough.

round two--

i texted him later, asking if i had done something, and he told me that i didn't necessarily DO anything, but everyone was being "immature fucks" and i had been annoying him [[but i didnt know HOW]] and then he went on a rant about how apparently stupid it is that i'm dating jameson. because Sarah still flirts with him, yet she denies it even though i dont really care. i know that they're both big flirts, and i know that jameson still likes sarah, but whatever. we already had that argument. and then he says that he was almost SURE that i dont like jameson.
which is a bunch of BULL.
anyone, go read my previous blogs, on Myspace. [[link]
and i dare you to honestly tell me that you dont think i love the kid. i DARE you.
and when i start to defend myself, he just tells me "i didnt want to talk to you about it in the first place, so just drop it. good night."
i didnt even know what to do.
i just sat there, staring at my phone, mouth to the floor... i didnt do anything to him. but i know that he was stressed, big time, and i know thta he's been being bothered by shirleen and sarah. but still.

it broke my heart. he told me he hated me.
"fine. i hate you. you done?"
i mean... he said it in a way that was supposed to be... sarcastic? but i think that there was more to it.

i just sat there thinking... am i just going to take this? and the second he hints that he's sorry, just let it all go back to normal, and just pretend that it's all okay? not this time. i'm not forgiving him that easily. i cant. every time he pushes me away, i come back. every time. i just love the kid that much. he is my BROTHER. i cant stay mad at him for long. no matter how much i want to, the second i hear his voice, telling me that he's sorry, i just throw it out the window, and forgive him. he could shoot me in the head and almost kill me, and all he would have to do is say he's sorry, and normally, that would be enough for me. but i'm sick of people expecting me to come back every time they push me away. i can't just... keep coming back.

and yet, as i sat there thinking about all this, i'm not as mad at him as i was.

i'm already forgiving him.